When people asked “how was you thanksgiving break?”, I was not sure how to respond. So I told them my story. Not a story of woe, but just a story. Maybe it didn’t go as planned – the plan being to shred the endless pow every day. But you know, I did learn a valuable lesson – that when you know can’t control the situation, can definitely control the way you see it.
 
So here’s the story:

Let me be honest. I was playing hooky on my business management class that last day before a week long Thanksgiving break. It’s just that it had been 5 days since I had last been snowboarding, and I was about to have serious withdrawals. So I got in my car, blasted some dubstep, and headed towards Boreal. About three quarters of the way into the journey, as I turn left onto highway 80, I realize that the little thermometer needle is all the way past hot. Like beyond the red zone. But I’m going 60 mph up a hill. Maybe it always does that, I think. I see the exit sign, Boreal ski area: 2 miles. Ok I’m gonna make it. I can do this. Boreal ski area: ½ mile. And suddenly I couldn’t see – black smoke started pouring from the hood. Okay, I guess that’s not really normal. In a scramble for life, I came to a halt and grappled for the door and ran as far away as I could. And it was at that moment, watching my Subaru engulfed in smoke with my all my snowboarding gear inside, that I realized how little material possessions matter in this world. The emotion I remember was happiness – that I was outside on the side of the road instead of trapped inside.
 
And I kept thinking of the same sentence, over and over. It was like the theme of my day:
“there is no good or bad, there just is”
 
Over the weekend I was dying to go snowboarding. I had turned down going home for thanksgiving because I wanted to snowboard, and now I was stuck in my dorm, alone, writing this stupid blog post and going to bed at 9. I tried to bum rides off people, but everyone seemed to go home during thanksgiving break. With a huge snow storm outside, I was essentially house bound for a couple days. The mechanic originally told me it would be ready on Friday, the day after I was towed in. Then Monday. Then on Tuesday afternoon, they called and said,
 
“I’m afraid we can’t save it”
 
I couldn’t believe this had happened after only 2 months of owning my own car. People think I’m joking when I say my dream car was a Subaru outback. Not just any Subaru outback, but one of the older models, complete with dents and scratches. Those new ones are too shiny and don’t even look like dirtbag snowboarder cars. They look like rich people cars. Ew. This one was literally everything I wanted. I had even plastered the back with stickers. It was complete with a ski rack, snow tires, and even a few small dents to add character. Plus it was a stick shift - which I wanted just cause I can. I could identify a lot with it. We were both made in 1997. We were both built for the snow but had spent the first 18 years of our life in the Bay area. Finally, in 2015, we had found our true home together in the mountains and were finally living where we were truly meant to live.

​So this past week I have realized that my problems really are nothing in the scope of things. Situations could always be worse. Maybe it was my fate to get injured snowboarding this week. What if the car actually did catch on fire? What if it had been totaled – along with myself – in a 95 mile per hour accident with a big rig? What if the words "I'm afraid we can't save..." Came from a doctor instead of an auto mechanic? Seriously, this really is nothing. Mainly, I learned that bad stuff happens, but bad attitudes don’t just happen. Also, your situation can always be worse.
 
So how was my thanksgiving break? You know I did get to ride a couple of those days, bumming rides off a few people, (One of the people I rode with had their car break down too). I made friendships now that I actually had to – gasp – talk to people when I wanted to go somewhere, and I did go to a local thanksgiving community dinner. For those dorm-bound days, I had nothing to do but plow through writing my 10 page research paper and was done with it by Wednesday, and let me just say that Sunday night Hanalei was extremely pleased with that. I’m going to learn to appreciate having a car more when I get it back. For now I’ll have to be a person with actual social skills and ask people for rides. This past week was not a bad week. I could even argue that it was a good week. But all I know is that there is no good or bad, there just is.

​To the TL;DR people: Much snowboarding. Wow 5 years. Many feels. 

​for the people who have an extra 5 minutes to kill over Thanksgiving break:
 
To say I’ve been practicing “my sport” for exactly 5 years today is a huge understatement. It’s almost as much of an understatement as: yeah, I saw the Grand Canyon, it was kinda sorta big. It’s interesting to think about how one day can change someone’s life so much. Before, I never really saw myself as a passionate, dedicated individual. I never saw myself as courageous, or persevering. I used to be self conscious and afraid of failure (See what I have to say about failure here). 
 
I didn’t just discover my passion on November 25, 2010. It was the day that decided where I went to college, what kind of place I would live in, how I would spend my time, what major I would choose, what jobs I could never do, the people I would meet, and the dreams I would pursue. Don’t even get me started on the things I had to give up that day. I gave up every single weekend during my Junior and senior year. I gave up every afternoon during the week to work for money to go snowboarding. I gave up my comfort zone. I’ve given up the option of physically getting out of shape. I gave up every winter break and spring break vacation (but I’m not saying I didn’t have tons of fun anyway). I DID NOT give up my education. In fact, I gave up the option of failing in school, since I had my heart set on my dream college in Tahoe. (Darn, I guess you did get me started). I don’t know if I knew what I was getting myself into that day, but all I knew was that I HAD to snowboard again. I was no prodigy on my first day. Like many who have tried, it was a difficult day of falling on my behind and acquiring many, many bruises. It took me three days just to learn how to turn, but I stuck with it because something in me knew I had to do this more.

​No one is immune to the gaper phase (Yes, that’s me in 2012)

​After a year of being a gaper, and a couple years just having fun with family and friends on the mountain, I met a friend who convinced me to start competing in the 2013-14 season. I thought competition would take the fun out of it. I thought I wouldn’t measure up because I only started snowboarding at 13, and had never joined a team before. I thought I wouldn’t have the money. However, we found a way, and I participated in my first competitions. Contrary to my belief, it did not take the fun out of it and I enjoyed it a lot!
 
And it was during that season that I watched the 2014 Olympics and saw Jenny Jones, from team Great Britain, win the bronze medal in slopestyle. What was inspiring about this story was that she had only started snowboarding at 17 and had worked hard to support herself to pursue her passion. Like me, she had chosen this sport herself later in life. She was the oldest in the competition but still pulled through. At that moment, I knew that I too could achieve what I put my mind to (sorry for the corniness, just getting the truth out there).
 
I joke around and say that I caused the Tahoe drought when I started snowboarding. Despite the said “crappiness” of the past 4 years (“crappiness" in quotes because I have nothing to compare it with), I have learned to make the best out of any situation. I have honestly had A BLAST! In addition, snowboarding has made me a gratitudinal person (Gratitudinal is a word I just invented. It means full of gratitude). In the spirit of thanksgiving, I’d like to say that I am thankful for snowboarding. I’m thankful that it gave me some direction when choosing a college. I’m thankful I’ve been able to overcome some of my fears. I’m thankful for my health and safety doing one of the most dangerous sports out there. I’m thankful for my family’s support. They also had to give up every weekend and break and come up to Tahoe. Skiing was always a family event and always will be for me. I’m thankful they were willing to go down the double black diamond runs and through the terrain park with me. I’m thankful they didn’t freak out when I said I’d rather go to a snow college than Stanford. I’m thankful they let me study ski business instead of insisting on something “more sensible”.
 
So here’s to 5 years. It is only the beginning. This season might be my first normal snowfall season so it would be awesome to see what it is like. Snow or no snow, I know it will be a blast. My goal for the season is to rack up at least 120 days. Some people call me crazy, but to me, not following my passion is the craziest thing I can do.

Throwback piece! I wrote this my first week of Junior year.

Last week was my first week of junior year. There was an observation I made. EVERY teacher, admin, principal, and even the doctor, said something along these lines:

“So you’re a junior now! The toughest year. It can get stressful…”

By Friday, I had heard this so many times I was absolutely sick of hearing it. In first period that day, my teacher made all the juniors stand up.

“I’m worried for you guys. Junior year is when students tend to burn out. I need to take care of you guys. Remember that this year is simply about surviving.”

Though this was said with kindness, I must disagree. If someone is trying to “survive” something, they are usually looking to the future and wishing they were there. By trying to survive junior year, we are not living in the present and are not making an effort to enjoy times, take in our surroundings, and live our youth with passion to the fullest. Hey – I’m only 16, but really – we gotta enjoy our youth cause it ain’t gonna last forever. 


I made the decision that I would not “survive” junior year.

A fellow junior may ask, “UMM, hey miss insightful-smartypants, how on earth am I supposed to do that when I’m taking all these AP/honors classes, doing sports, and studying for SAT’s, all while trying to maintain somewhat of a social life? And don’t even get me started on sleep and family time.”

My belief is that mindset is one of the ways to deal with this issue. And to be honest, staff does not help with this at all. They make you “brace for impact” like a snowboarder overshooting a 60 foot ramp. They reinforce the idea that not only is it perfectly normal to be stressed, but as a junior, you are supposed to be. So naturally, students stress. Stress has become a status symbol. “look how hard I’m working. I had to pull an all-nighter. What were you doing with your life last night? Sleeping?” I overhear complaint after complaint about classes between other juniors. I hear juniors taunting freshmen and sophomores about their so called work load.

I made the conscious decision not to stress out. I tried to enjoy everything, even if I had to “fake it till I make it”. Even now, as I sit and read my APUSH textbook, I think to myself, “mmm, love me some ‘merican revolution. I love history. It’s just as fun as snowboarding.” After a while, it works. I also did it with chemistry and running last year.

I’m a huge believer in prioritizing fun, living with passion and purpose, seeing the future as bright, taking a chill pill, and having faith and confidence to feel that you have studied enough by 11 pm. I believe in learning for the sake of learning, not the grade to get into fancy-pants university. I believe that to some degree, stress is a choice.

I’m not going to “survive” junior year.  Life is more than studies. Confidence is essential. Faith is required. Enjoy this season of life; don’t dread its looming presence. Realize that nowhere in the school rules does it say that all juniors are required to be a wreck of all-nighters and stress. Remember, us 16 and 17 year olds are at the peak of our youth! From what I’ve heard, you can’t go back in time!

Finally, one thing I have found useful is to find at least one thing you love. For me, it is snowboarding and cooking. Have an “outlet” where you can recharge (Not telling you to stick your finger in the electrical outlet BTW). For some, finding this may take time, but I believe that everyone has one. Once you have found it, prioritize it!

For example, since finals are in December, a very snowy month, I promised myself I would go snowboarding the weekend before finals every year since freshman year. And I’ve kept it. I didn’t not study, I just shifted my priorities and planned ahead a little. For some strange reason, my final grades are much higher than I expect! I honestly think it is the snowboarding, because when I’m snowboarding, I can just let go and be free and take in all my surroundings. It’s my passion and I love doing it. Having had a weekend full of that, I walk into my finals the next day and have a positive attitude and a clear mind free from anxiety and stress.

So I’m a junior, eh? 11th grade? BRING IT ON!

Throwback Thursday!! This is a play I wrote last year.
These are 2 pages from the middle of the play, which is 10 pages in total. The two main characters are Alfred and Travis, two best friends who are both high school juniors. Travis is an adrenaline junkie who wants to live life to the fullest and not stress about the future. Alfred couldn’t be more of the opposite. He is very academic and studious and just wants to get through his last two years of high school. In this scene, Travis has finally convinced Alfred to come skiing with him one weekend, despite Alfred’s complaint of all the homework they have. They are sitting at the top of the ramps, about to hit them, and Travis starts telling Alfred his feelings about hitting ramps.


TRAVIS
Well, Here we are. The top of the drop in. Isn’t it a great feeling? Just looking ahead and seeing a line of ramps waiting to be hit.

 
ALFRED
Yeah, only if you’re a lunatic. Come on man, I ain’t doing it. Why you gotta mess with gravity?

 
TRAVIS
Come on, you know you gotta do it. Now you may not want to, but as soon as it’s over, you’ll be stoked. Assuming you don’t kill yourself, of course. Flying through the air is an incomparable feeling, kind of like... Well, it’s incomparable. You know you can get seriously hurt, but you do it anyway. Why? You don’t know, but it feels great - and horrible - at the same time. That feeling of weightlessness is priceless. Seeing the lip get closer, then seeing the ground disappear under your board - or skis, then seeing it get closer, and closer, then BAM! As you see that wedge of snow getting closer, and closer, everything in you is fighting to stop, to slow down. Your body says no, your brain says no. everything is asking “WHY?!” But you know you have to do it. And the ground leaves from underneath you. You’re flying! And then you’re not. The feeling at the top of the drop in – that’s the worst part. The feeling in the air and after stomping it, that adrenaline rush, that is what we live for. But as you sit there in the snow you know you’re gonna have to do it at some point. You can’t just sit there forever. The more you put it off the harder it gets. So go – send it! Because you’ll regret not doing it!
 

ALFRED
No. Okay?

 
TRAVIS
Life is like a ramp, Alfred. You just gotta go for it. You can’t sit there and do calculations in your head. You know what happens when you don’t commit to the ramp? You knuckle.

 
ALFRED
Knuckle? Is this another one of your snowboarding terms?

 
TRAVIS
Yeah. It means you come short of the landing. (slaps one hand down on the other) BAM! That’s no good.

 
ALFRED
I can’t do this. I just can’t. It makes no sense. No sense at all.

 
TRAVIS
It doesn’t have to, man. It doesn’t have to. Fine, I’ll drop first. Dropping! (exits)

 
ALFRED
I’m not doing it!!! (follows him)
 

NARRATOR
So Alfred didn’t send the ramp. Then he suddenly remembered he was planning to study math in the lodge

 
(At the bottom of the run, by the lodge)

 
TRAVIS
That was awesome! Next run dude. You can do it.

 
ALFRED
Hey, I said I may only do half a day. I have to study math and bio and SAT. This may be fun, but it’s not benefiting me.

 
TRAVIS
Not benefitting you? What do you mean? You gotta learn to chill. To let go, man. Let gravity do all the work. Remember life is as stressful as you want it –
 

ALFRED
SHUT UP OKAY?!?! I don’t want your philosophy! I just need to get to college and then life will be good, but now – these last years of high school – I gotta work! I don’t care if your ideas are different from mine but I need to get my grades okay? I’m afraid we’re just too different. Maybe you’re the one who needs my advice! Heck, you just point your snowboard at those ramps and send yourself off them like you’re indestructible. You’re not, OK? I’m going to sit here in the lodge and study because I have to!

  

TRAVIS
(Pause. Says, dejectedly) Oh, ok. I’m sorry. I just thought you’d like to have some fun. You can have good grades and still have fun.

 
Silence. JAMIE walks in.

 
JAMIE
Hey, Travis. Did you hear? They just opened the mega ramp!



TRAVIS
(his mood immediately picks up) Really? Sick! Hey Alfred, I’ll be back later, ok? (exits, almost singing) Ramps! Ramps! Raaaaaaamps!
 

Alfred sits at a table in the lodge and pulls his AP bio book out of his day pack. Somehow shows passing of time

Then ski patrol enters, talking on a radio.

 
SKI PATROL
Hey, we have a teenage boy lying unconscious at the bottom of the mega ramp. It looks like he overshot the landing by quite a lot. He’s not moving. We’re going to need ski patrol there fast.

 
ALFRED
(immediately gets up) Travis Mueller you crazy idiot! (runs off stage)

“Oh look there’s Hanalei, she’s a snowboarder”. It’s one of the first things anyone will probably know after first meeting me. That’s unusual in a small town with no seasons and at a staggering elevation of –gasp- 300 feet above sea level. A town where I have to explain the meaning of terms like “powder day” and “30 foot kicker”.

“But isn’t Tahoe like, 6 hours away?”(3.5 to be precise)

“So you go up there EVERY weekend?!?! Are you crazy?”(why, yes I am in fact.)

“So how has it been with NO SNOW at all in 2015”(which is not true by the way.)

“Do you do tricks?”(Yeah sure.)

But there’s one question I get from almost everyone who finds out I’m a snowboarder living in a non-ski town in the Bay area. The frequency of this question has got me thinking about why people would ask a question that seems so obvious to me. And I’m also interested in what they think the answer would be. In fact it is not just at home where I get this question, and one day, I was able to help someone out by answering it.

I had qualified for the USA national snowboarding competition in Colorado. I had a few minutes to spare between competitions, so “I took a lap”. I saw a young boy and his dad, and it looked like his dad was teaching him to ride for the first time. He looked very frustrated and it looked like he had given up. I could tell his dad really wanted him to experience the amazing feeling that is snowboarding. On a sunny, perfect day in Colorado no less. Seeing that I had my competitors’ bib that clearly read “national championships 2015”, the dad said,

“Excuse me, you look like a pretty good snowboarder may I ask you something?”

I said yes.

“When you first started riding, did you fall?”

When I first started riding? Are you kidding me? I mean who doesn’t? I was no prodigy. He wanted his son to hear my answer and hopefully be inspired. I answered,

“When I first started? Why, I fell just 10 minutes ago. And yesterday, and the day before. Of course I fell when I first began. In fact, I spend almost the whole day on my behind.”

“see, even good people fall!”

I gave one last piece of advice,

“When you fall, it means you are progressing, and that’s what snowboarding is all about!”

The little boy seemed a little annoyed that he couldn’t just give up because he was tired or hurting, but his dad seemed happy that I had confirmed what he had probably been teaching his kid all day. I left feeling good.

So the question I get all the time is: “So do you fall?” or sometimes, “So do you still fall?”. And I always answer with a decisive “Oh yeah.” Or “You bet I do”, or “Every day man!” And sometimes, the follow up will be, “and does it hurt?” To which I will give another “Oh yeah”.

After you reach a certain level, do you just stop falling? Is staying on your feet a sign you are becoming a better snowboarder?

Absolutely not.

How do I feel after a day of not falling? I feel like I’ve failed by not failing. How do I feel after an epic fall trying something new that was not bad enough for ski patrol? I feel RAD. In snowboarding, the more epic the fail, the cooler it is. As long as the Gopro is on!

My proudest moment as of now is when I did my first backflip. I didn’t land it. Not at all. In fact, all I really remember is hitting my head really hard and having to ask people watching if I had just done a backflip. The video confirmed. I popped off our hand built backcountry kicker, did 9/10ths of a backflip, caught my toe edge, and faceplanted into the slushy snow. I didn’t land it. And I didn’t give a damn. It was messy and un-stylish. Who cares? Had that been at a competition, my score would have been 0 out of 100. Maybe 1, depending on if the judges felt sorry for me.

One of my most disappointing moments I can remember is the national championships for Slopestyle, where I landed every jump on my feet, doing perfect grabs. But here’s the thing. It was sort of an off day for me, and I had to humble myself and hit the small side of the jumps and do strait airs to avoid being critically injured, like I had seen 4 girls already do. I wanted to take a risk. I wanted to do something crazy, but for my safety that particular day, I backed out. And I remember feeling like the ultimate failure as I exited the course having landed everything. I watched 7 year olds land better lines than me.

I’m no downer. In fact, I consider myself what some would call a glass-half-full sort of person. I believe that people should follow their passions and, excuse my corniness, but “shoot for the stars”. But my life advice would be:

“Never stop failing”

Never. Stop. Failing.